May 20th, 2012
It was finally Friday, the day of Rhonda’s funeral.
First of all, let me say that my late Aunt Rhonda was a total riot. The lady had a great sense of humor and you NEVER saw her without a huge smile on her face.
Rhonda was NOT the type that would have gone for the somber and sad funeral, rather….I have no doubts that she was looking down on me from above, praying that her Idiot nephew Mark would do something goofy to liven things up a bit during her service.
My first contribution occurred before the actual service even started.
There was a large video screen set up at the front of the chapel, just behind the casket, and on that screen was a continuous slide show of pictures of Rhonda through the years that my Aunt and my Brother had spent hours scanning and compiling.
At one point, there was a huge color photo of 11yr old Rhonda, grinning from ear to ear as she held up, and was apparently choking to death,….a large pink bullfrog with a freakish mop of red hair on it’s scaly head. It was quite a startling and comical photo.
Of course, that red haired bullfrog being strangled was Rhonda’s brand new Nephew……Marky……
Me.
Huge room full of people…… Me now 47yrs old……and all the ladies in the room are going….
“Ahhhhhhh……there’s MARKY!!!!…….isn’t that so cute!!!”
I’m sure Rhonda had a good laugh at that.
The service started.
Rhonda was raised Catholic like all the other children in my Mom’s family.
Rhonda was not a Church-goer through most of her adult life.
Many of the family members in attendance were still faithful Catholics.
The Pastor was given blunt instructions.
“Give us a Catholic Funeral for a Non-Church-going former Catholic….with not actually mentioning the “JC” word…but keeping it Catholic enough to keep the Catholic’s happy….”
Trust me, the confused Pastor had no clue either.
The Pastor leading the funeral service asked everyone to bow their heads in prayer.
(Their OWN prayer)
The many still-practicing Catholics in the room all started mumbling various Catholic prayers, aloud, as they sat with their heads bowed.
I went to Catholic Church when I was young, but I fully admit that I don’t remember the exact words to all the prayers everyone was chanting.
So, I went to my favorite standby…..
The one prayer seared into my Idiot memory….
“Dearly Beloved…”
“We are gathered here today….”
“To get through this thing called Life”
“Electric word Life..”
“It means forever..”
“And that’s a mighty long time…”
“But I’m here to tell you…”
“There’s something else…”
“The Afterworld”
Yes friends, the Idiot sat in the front row of his Aunt’s funeral and recited, aloud, the lyrics to the classic 1984 hit “Let’s go Crazy” by Prince and the Revolution.
Knowing Rhonda, she much preferred my prayerful tribute to the dusty old chants everyone else was mumbling.
And, in case you were wondering, YES, I did chant the WHOLE opening….
Resulting in my letting out a VERY audible high-pitched girlie yelp as I dropped to my knees and cried out “Go Crazzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”
Once again…. that’s how we roll at funerals.
Classic 1984 Pop Rock Classics being belted out by disabled Idiots in the front row.
It got better.
I was one of the six men asked to be a Pallbearer.
At 47, I was the BABY of the group….by a LOOOOOOONG way.
(Four of the six were over 70)
Not one of us was what you would consider even remotely HEALTHY.
After the Chapel portion of the Funeral had ended, and as people were filing out to get into their cars to drive to the grave site, the Funeral Director called us Pallbearers to the front of the Chapel.
Apparently, my cousin had let the man in on the secret of this particular group of Pallbearers.
“Soooo….Gentleman…… Miss Fieland tells me that most of you are not permitted to lift anything of weight, that three of you have difficulty walking, and that one of you is an Idiot who can neither lift, walk, or even think straight…..”
We all looked at each other and nodded.
Yep, that was us. The motliest bunch of Pallbearers any poor soul could hope to have carry them to their final resting place.
The kind Funeral Director arranged to have three of the Cemeteries “workmen” be on hand to assist in the transporting of the casket from the Hearse to the grave site.
Translation: Three large burly Hispanic fellows would do all the heavy lifting…..while our Motley bunch just “lip-synched” carrying the casket.
We got up to the grave site, gathered around the back of the Hearse, got into our positions…… Six family members intermingled with three non-English speaking landscapers……and slowly started to pull my Aunt’s coffin from the Hearse as the congregation of Funeral-goers all waited around the small canopy set up over the actual grave site.
We were all facing forward, slowly pulling the casket from the car, with only the sounds of birds chirping and the wind rustling in the trees, when…..you guessed it…… my cell phone went off AGAIN.
Thank goodness this was not my son calling, so the congregation was not subjected to Justin Bieber….but rather this was my wife calling……from Texas…..checking in to see how the Funeral had been…..not realizing the service was still taking place.
And what song blares from my phone when my wife calls me?
“Funkytown” of course!
There we were…..9 men….shuffling across the grass with my Aunt……as “Funkytown” blasted across the quiet hills of the Cemetery.
That’s how we roll.
Can there be a better send-off anthem on the planet than “Funkytown?”.
I think not, and I’m pretty sure my late Aunt would agree.
Strangely, after the service had ended, I mysteriously was unable to find my cell phone. I later found it just behind the right-rear wheel of the car that my Mom had been riding in…and the phone was pulverized beyond belief as if someone had backed over the phone…pulled forward….and then backed over it again.
Go figure how that happened….
My Aunt Jenelle would later corner me with a protruding finger poked deep into my chest…… “Really Mark? Funkytown???? FUNKYTOWN??????”
I nervously laughed.
Be glad that my Father-in-Law had not called me….
In that instance, everyone would have been treated to “Thriller” by Michael Jackson…
And that’s all you need…..songs about Zombies and the Dead rising from the Grave….at a funeral….
See, it could have been much worse!
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I have no doubt that Rhonda is up in Heaven, annoying the heck out of the other relatives that have passed away, as she endlessly hums and whistles “Funkytown”….. thanks to her loving nephew Mark, aka…. “The Idiot”.
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May 20th, 2012
HILDRETH, Kevin Rae. Passed away peacefully surrounded by his family in Auckland on Thursday 17 May, 2012. Loved husband of Vicky, proud and loving father to Melanie, Emma, Troy, Scott, and Daniel. Devoted Pop to Michael, Jessica, and Alex. Dearly loved and cherished son of Beverley and Rae. Adored brother of Bronwynne, a loved and adored uncle of Brad, Leighton, and Courtney. “Sadly missed but forever with us”. A Service to celebrate Kevin’s life will be held at the Central Park Chapel of Davis Funerals, 150 Central Park Drive, Henderson on Wednesday 23 May, 2012 at 1.30pm. All communications to the Hildreth Family, C/- PO Box 56013, Dominion Road Auckland 1446.
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May 17th, 2012
Mary Jo Driftmier, 89
 Mary Jo Driftmier of Langley died May 8, 2012 in Seattle. She was born Easter Sunday, April 1, 1923 in Lewistown, Montana to Ray and Pearl Ramaker. Her family moved to Missoula when she was three and then to Seattle during her senior year of high school. After graduating from Roosevelt High School she moved on to the University of Washington where she received her journalism degree. While at the university Jo served as editor of the “Daily” newspaper. She then worked for United Press International.
Mary Jo married Ben Driftmier Jr. in 1945. After Ben’s graduation with a law degree, the couple moved to Anacortes where they lived for 28 years.
Active in community affairs she was instrumental in the formation of the Anacortes Hospital District. Over a game of bridge, Jo, along with three friends, decided that Anacortes needed a new hospital. The idea caught on and the four women worked tirelessly to create a hospital auxiliary, then a hospital district. The work paid off and in 1962 Anacortes’s new Island Hospital was dedicated.
Ben and Jo retired to south Whidbey in 1976. That year she started as a volunteer editor of “Senior News” for Senior Services of Island County. Soon she was drafted to become the executive director of the organization. While she retired as executive director in 1993, she continued as editor of the news until 2000.
She is survived by two sons, Don Driftmier of Seattle and Rick Driftmier, his wife Karen Richards and grandson Lee Driftmier all of Bellevue, grandson Kim Driftmier, his wife Meegan, and two great grandchildren, Cash and Amara all of Honolulu HI, granddaughter Jennifer Driftmier of Redmond, one niece and four nephews. A private memorial service will be held in Bellevue. The family suggests donations to Senior Services Foundation, 2845 E. Highway 525, Langley WA 98206.
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May 17th, 2012
Charles & Mary Fisher
Mary Elizabeth Mathewson Fisher and Charles Leo Fisher on their 60th anniversary, June 26, 2008.
CHARLES LEO FISHER
Charles Leo Fisher was a generous and optimistic visionary who continually looked for ways to enhance the lives of others. Born in Sullivan, Missouri on October 6, 1925, he lost his father when only four months old. Despite the absence of a role model, he was an excellent Dad to his four children, a loving Grandpa to his eight grandchildren, and took great delight in his two great grand-children.
Coming of age during wartime, he attended an accelerated high school program at the Wentworth Military Academy, then the University of Kansas V-12 Program. Subsequently, he served in the Navy in post-war Philippines. Following his service, he earned a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering at the University of Wisconsin. It was there he met Mary Elizabeth Mathewson of Madison, Wisconsin, whom he married in 1948.
Most of Charles’s professional life was in the investment business as a Certified Financial Planner. With almost 50 years in the field, he navigated many changes and several relocations. At age 77, Charles retired and moved with Mary to Duvall, Washington, to live near family.
Outside of work, he especially enjoyed photography and attending symphonies. He kept a collection of all the cameras he had owned since being the photographer for his high school yearbook. He also enjoyed travel, especially to Chartres Cathedral in France, where he was introduced to the practice of labyrinth walking, a discovery he loved to share with others.
Charles passed away on May 4, 2012; Mary passed away shortly thereafter on May 12, 2012. He was preceded in death by his parents, his brother Paul Gordon Fisher, and his son, Thomas Charles Fisher. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Missouri Botanical Gardens in St. Louis, or a charity of one’s choice.
MARY MATHEWSON FISHER
Mary Elizabeth Mathewson Fisher was a woman of great wisdom and loving presence. She loved to create beautiful and serene spaces which contributed to a sense of order and healing calm for others. Her sense of the aesthetic was excellent, and an important part of her life. She was a loving and wise Mom to her four children, a doting Grandma of eight, and a beaming Great-grandma of two.
Trained as an Occupational Therapist at the University of Wisconsin, she completed her internship at the Meninnger Clinic in Kansas City. She was always involved in service work, whether with her St. Louis church in the Stephen Ministries program, or with PEO or Delta Gamma philanthropic projects. She had a gift for evoking conversations that mattered.
While at the University of Wisconsin, she met Charles Leo Fisher at a party at her Delta Gamma Sorority house. After their marriage in 1948, Charles’s work took them first to Springfield, Illinois, then Decatur, followed by a move to St. Louis, Missouri, where they lived for 38 years. In 2003, they moved to Duvall, Washington to be closer to their children and grandchildren. Mary said of her 64-year marriage that while she and Charles had different perspectives, they were always looking in the same direction with the same values, and always put family first. They each expanded the horizons of the other in significant ways.
Mary passed away on May 12, 2012, just eight days after Charles passed. She was preceded in death by her parents, her brother James Louis Mathewson, and her son, Thomas Charles Fisher. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Missouri Botanical Gardens in St. Louis, or a charity of one’s choice.
A Celebration of Life Service for Mary and Charles will be held at the Woodinville Unitarian Universalist Church at 4 p.m. on May 28, 2012, followed by a potluck dinner.
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May 14th, 2012
Front Row Seat
At Heartland Intervention, we often say that we have a “Front Row Seat to Watch Lives Change”. That means when a person finds recovery we get to see it first-hand. Yet when a person experiences the pain of relapse, we see that up-close too. Funerals for one who dies because of addiction are hard to stomach. Funerals for one who dies in recovery present a reason to celebrate.
Recently I have attended a couple of funerals of people in recovery. Both died sober which gave those who gathered reason so celebrate. We were encouraged by the life each had led and reminded again that there is always hope in the midst of struggle. As I looked around the room there were many who had come to pay their respects to a man who had made a difference. They were not there because they shared the common struggle of addiction….but rather because they shared the common bond of recovery.
Addiction does not bring people together. In fact it often drives people and families far apart. It desolves relationships rather than strenghen them. Recovery however brings people together. Race, creed, finances and beliefs seem to matter less in the recovering community. The primary recovery text confirms that “we are a group that usually would not mix”. And yet this week, the group came together to share a laugh and a tear while saying goodbye to one with whom each shared a journey.
If you have a loved one battling addiction, call us today at 877-752-8811. We know the struggle and the fear that comes with addiction. Our loving interventions are designed to help your family and guide the addict or alcoholic toward the path of recovery.
Tags: addiction, addictions assessment, drinking, drug addiction, Heartland Intervention, recovery, Scott J Watson, substance use
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May 14th, 2012
Funeral candles are a fitting keepsake for any funeral or
memorial service. The use of fire at a funeral has can be dated back to
ancient cultures and narratives.
The presence of fire at funerals is as old a custom as funerals
themselves. Used throughout history by ancient civilizations, pagans and
Judeo-Christians, fire in the form of torches and memorial candles is
an enduring tradition that provides comfort to the bereaved and respect
to the deal. Candles serve a unifying element, binding people who shared
the same purpose and providing a persevering keepsake to commemorate
the departed.
 The
word “funeral” itself indicates a torch-lit profession, derived from
the Latin “funeralis”, from fumis, a torch. Burials occurred at night so
torches were essential. Long after Christians denounced night-time
burial as a pagan practice, funeral candles were placed around the body from death to burial and torches were carried in funeral processions.
Ancient cultures lit fires around the body to ward off evil spirits
from taking possession of the corpse while protecting it from predators.
Early narratives of death include claims that lit candles are emblems
of joy, Heaven and life, and are used to ban all dark spirits.
Additionally, these narratives revealed that the use of fire confuses
the spirit of the deceased, who has not fully realized death has
occurred and may return to bring family members into the afterlife.
Funeral candles and memorial candles
provide to family and friends represent the affirming power of light.
The quivering and flickering flames have been compared by poets to the
uncertainty of life, affected by the forces of fate. When the flame is
extinguished it is symbolic of death.
To continue remembrance of the departed, mourners receive memorial
candles at funerals to return home with them as a keepsake. Lit on
occasions to commemorate the deceased’s life, candles have the power to
continue remembrance and pay homage to the mysterious forces of life.
Traditionally white to symbolize purity and to represent the spirit of the deceased, memorial candles are now easily personalized with photos, quotes, and details of the life being celebrated.
Waxes are environmentally friendly and their flames lifespan can be
up to hundreds of hours. Creating such candles is incredibly easy with
simple funeral software that allows funeral professional the ability to
offer beautiful, long-lasting and personalized keepsakes to client
families.
Memorial candles are significant keepsakes, symbolizing the departed
and celebrating life. Funeral professionals are now able to offer many
options to client families, who will reflect upon the candles for years
to come, remembering both those that have left us and the tender
kindness of the funeral home during their period of sorrow.
Frazer Consultants primary products and services include interactive
funeral home website design, funeral tribute video software, funeral
webcasting, funeral candles, funeral keepsakes, funeral register books,
personalized funeral stationery, temporary grave markers and funeral
holiday remembrance ornaments. For more information, please visit http://www.frazerconsultants.com or call 866-372-9372.
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May 11th, 2012
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May 11th, 2012
 Question: The New York Times recently did a long article on a gay psychotherapist who committed suicide, ostensibly because he had trouble accepting his age as he approached 50. Ironically, he had just finished writing a book about smart strategies for aging in the LGBT community. While terribly sad, I was puzzled by the invitation for his memorial service (posted on his Facebook page), which read:
To celebrate the life and memory of Bob Bergeron, a benefit for SAGE [Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders]. If you’d like to donate please go to [link]. Save the Date: The afternoon of Saturday, May 12th, NYC location TBD.
Isn’t turning someone’s death into a fundraising opportunity rather inappropriate?
Answer: I read that Times story, too, and my heart broke for Dr. Bergeron and the dark place he must have found himself in. His friends and family have my deepest sympathy as they work through the aftermath of this tragic end to his life.
In many ways our community has historically taken the lead in creating new ways to remember, celebrate, and mourn the dearly departed. As an example, the Celebrations of Life that are fairly common now were born from the saddest days of the early HIV/AIDS epidemic. And as much as I appreciate innovation, this new practice of positioning memorial services as fundraising opportunities strikes me as setting the wrong tone. Not surprisingly, this is not the first time I’ve heard of a memorial service turned funeral fundraiser. In fact, Chipin.com is one of several services whose mission is to raise dollars in memory of the deceased. Another, CharityWeb.net, promises it “can take your vision and turn it into a funeral fundraising success.”
I have to say it: Yuck!
Funerals and memorials are a time for friends and family to come together to remember and celebrate the deceased — with no price for admission. It would have been more seemly for the invitation to focus on the time and place of the service, with a line at the end saying, “In lieu of flowers, the friends and family of Dr. Bergeron suggest a contribution to SAGE to support the good work they do for LGBT elders.” (It’s a group I also heartily endorse.)
I did ask Michael Adams, SAGE’s executive director, for his thoughts on the matter, and he emailed me:
I have been to numerous services over the years where charitable contributions have been suggested and have always found that they are a very meaningful way to honor loved ones who have passed… We deeply respect and are grateful for the underlying intent — I would think that’s what’s most important.
Of course, I totally agree, and I was also glad to hear that no one will be turned away if they fail to make a donation. As for the “save the date” language, though, I’d strike it altogether. That’s mostly associated with weddings and galas, not this type of terribly sad gathering. Announcing the date, with a line that said, “Details to follow,” would have been more appropriate.
Perhaps the best way for any of us in the LGBT community to memorialize Dr. Bergeron would be to reach out to an older gay friend who may be suffering from some of the same fears and dark thoughts that claimed Bergeron’s life. Many LGBT folks who are turning (or have passed) 50 have moments of anxiety about aging, especially if they’re not in a long-term relationship. A little reassurance about the steadfast support of friends just might help someone else get through a tough time, and help prevent another tragic death. It’s not only teens and 20-somethings who need to hear the “It Gets Better” message.
This article originally appeared on Advocate.com.
Image: from Facebook
Steven Petrow is the author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and can be found online at gaymanners.com. Got a question? Email him at ask@gaymanners.com, or contact him on Facebook and Twitter.
Follow Steven Petrow on Twitter:
www.twitter.com/gaymanners
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May 2nd, 2012
Chester Leeman Anthony, 96 of South Buffalo Township, died Sunday, April 29, 2012 in the VNA Inpatient Hospice in Butler.
He was born August 24, 1915 in Bethel Township, a son of the late-John Presley and Nannie (Kissinger) Anthony.
A World War II veteran, Chester served in the U.S. Army. Afterwords, he worked for P.P.G Industries in Ford City for 38 years and the Apollo Gas Company for 10 years, retiring in 1981.
He was a member of the Natrona Heights V.F.W.
Mr. Anthony enjoyed hunting and fishing, taking video pictures, and keeping picture albums. He formerly repaired televisions and radios, and also repaired both his own and other people’s automobiles. He and wife, Alice, built their two homes, and also their cabin in Marienville, Pa.
He is survived by two daughters: Deanna Kay (Roger L.) Smith of Portland, Ore. and Lola Jean (Blaine Edward) Pore of Montana; grandchildren, L.E. Smith, Chauntel Vaillancourt, Michael C. Smith, Jeffrey Pore and Mindy Gochis; great-grandchildren: Kristina Smith, Miranda Smith, Nicole Vaillancourt, Steven Smith, Michaela Gochis, Noah Gochis, Brody (Pore) Curtis, Terry Pore and Delaney (Pore) Curtis; and great-great-grandchild, Emmett Hiscoe.
In addition to his parents, Chester was preceded in death by his wife, Alice F. Anthony; daughter, Janet Ruth Anthony; grandson, David Pore; four sisters: Marie Peters, Nellie Schupp, Hazel (Stitt) Miller and Mae Wolfe; and brother, Delbert Anthony.
Friends will be received from 2-4 and 7-9PM today – Wednesday, May 2, 2012 – in the Welch Funeral Home in Ford City, where funeral services will be held at 11AM Thursday, May 3, 2012 with the Rev. Jonathan Hill officiating.
Interment will follow in Lawn Haven Burial Estates in East Franklin Township.
To send an online condolence, visit www.welchfh.com
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May 2nd, 2012
… Memorial Cemetery. GANT, Virginia M., 80. Services at 10 a.m. today at Tenth and Broad Church of Christ in Wichita Falls. Burial in Lake Creek Cemetery. Visitation following the funeral in the atrium of the church. HAGEMANN, Mary Jo, 84, of …
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